


if you had a twin I would still choose you

by newblooms



Category: GOT7, TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Twins, Angst, Chaptered, Eventual Smut, M/M, i dont know what else to tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2018-05-31 14:26:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6473956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newblooms/pseuds/newblooms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Youngjae takes the biggest risk of his life when he texts Mark. As his brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Youngjae throws himself down on the bench, groaning loudly, making Yugyeom flinch beside him as the flimsy plastic shakes. 

“Uh, you okay, man?” Yugyeom asks cautiously. Usually Youngjae only ever gets extremely frustrated when it comes to his brother and Yugyeom has learned better than to get between them, the scar on his knee a good enough reminder. 

“I got a 95 on my lit essay,” Youngjae huffs, throwing his literature book beside him on the bench. Yugyeom knows Youngjae cares deeply about his grades, but he can't understand for the life of him why he’s practically steaming from a 95. “I don’t get it, isn't a 95 a good grade?” 

“It’s great, it would be perfectly fine if Minatozaki fucking Sana hadn’t got a 98. A 98! In what world does Minatozaki fucking Sana get a 98 when I only got a 95?”

“Sana’s really smart though, so I d-”

“She is really smart, but she’s not as smart as I am,” Youngjae says, cutting the other off. “And then, god and then, she has the audacity to offer to read over my essay and see what I could fix.”

“Maybe she was just being nice?” Yugyeom offers. 

“No, man, she’s pure fucking evil, set out to take my top spot in the class.” 

“If you say so…” Yugyeom drifts off, glancing past Youngjae at the group standing a little off to the side of the communication building. “ I don’t wanna freak you out or anything, but I think Mark Tuan is staring at you.” Youngjae’s eyes widen and he whips his head around before Yugyeom hits him hard on the shoulder. “Don’t look! Are you stupid!? Well, ok, ok he’s coming over here. Oh my god.” 

“What do I do?!?” 

“Just play it cool, man.” Youngjae takes a deep breath, wiping his sweaty palms against his pants. 

He hears someone clear their throat behind him and he sends Yugyeom one last panicked look before turning around and coming face to face with Mark Tuan. Mark was easily one of the most sought after boys in their entire university, star of their school’s track team, president of martial arts society , and easily the most beautiful boy Youngjae had ever set his eyes on. He was a year older than him and Yugyeom, but they were in the same calculus and physics class, not that Mark knew that, the older boy hadn’t spared Youngjae one single glance the entire semester. 

But now, Mark is standing in front of him, possibly more beautiful up close, boyish smirk on his lips and hands shoved into his pockets. 

“So I had a good time on Friday, but I didn’t get your number,” Mark says, leaning on the balls of his feet. 

Youngjae didn’t have to think hard about where he was on friday (at his apartment, in his room, watching x-files reruns) and he was 100% sure Mark Tuan was not there. 

“Um, friday?” Youngjae asks, giving Mark a questioning look. 

“Yeah? Friday at Jinyoung’s party? We - um, _hung out_ …” Mark says, cheeks turning a pink that made Youngjae sure he didn’t mean just hanging out. Suddenly, Youngjae knows exactly why Mark is talking to him; he thinks Youngjae is his brother. 

Youngjae sighs, because of fucking course Mark thinks Youngjae is Jaehyung. His brother is just Mark’s type, everything Youngjae is not; popular, athletic, sleek, charming, and, even though they’re twins, somehow Jaehyung manages to be better looking. 

“You’ve got the wrong twin. You’re looking for Jaehyung,” Youngjae tells him. 

“Twin? Dude, if you don’t want to give me your number just say so.”

“No, he’s like forreal. It’s freaky how much they look alike,” Yugyeom cuts in. 

“I’m Youngjae, my brother Jaehyung is probably who you were ‘hanging out’ with at the party,” Youngjae explains, trying to hide his disappointment. 

“Oh, man. I’m sorry, you really look crazy identical. I bet this happens all the time,” Mark chuckles lightly. 

“To me? Yeah. To Jaehyung? Nah. Nobody's ever looking for me,” Youngjae says softly, barely loud enough for Mark to hear, the elder boy giving him a sad look.  
“Well, um,” Mark starts after a beat of silence, “do you think you could give him my number?” He asks, slipping a post-it out of his backpack and scribbling digits on it. Mark holds out the paper for youngjae to take and for a second Youngjae thinks about saying no to him. It wasn't fair that Jaehyung got everything handed to him, everything Youngjae wanted. He had gotten into Youngjae’s university with little to no work put it, got to live at the apartment Youngjae’s parents had promised would be just for him, and now was going to get the boy Youngjae had a ridiculous crush on. 

He wanted to say no, but when when he saw the hopeful look on Mark’s face, he couldn't’ do it. 

“Sure,” Youngjae says finally, taking the paper and slipping it into his textbook. 

“Thanks! Um..uh,” Mark stutters, searching for the boys name. 

“Youngjae,” Youngjae reminds him. 

“Youngjae, right. I’ll remember that, Youngjae.” Mark smiles fully, giving him one last nod before heading back to his friends, and Youngjae feels his heart slam against his chest. 

“Dude, that _sucks_ ,” Yugyeom says as Youngjae shoves him and groans.

/////

Youngjae is silent the entire way back to his apartment. It’s Jaehyung’s turn to drive and normally Youngjae is spiteful that he has to share yet another thing with his brother, but today he’s grateful that he can just sit and stew. Jaehyung doesn’t mention it, honestly probably doesn’t even notice Youngjae’s silence.

Youngjae debates for hours whether to give Jaehyung Mark’s number or not, pacing around his room, just staring at the note. He knows he would feel guilty if he didn’t give it to his brother, but Jaehyung just doesn’t _deserve_ it. Jaehyung’s an asshole and pretentious and shouldn’t get to be with someone as wonderful and gorgeous as Mark. It’s not even just because Youngjae may have a tiny crush on him (though that is a big part of it), it’s about Jaehyung finally not getting something he didn’t deserve. His whole life Youngjae has had to live behind the giant shadow cast over him by his twin. Youngjae has always been smarter, always received top marks, and was always kind and thoughtful and respectful, but what did that get him? None of that seemed to matter when Jaehyung came strolling in late, flashing a smile (the same smile Youngjae had, but for some reason looked more charming on Jaehyung). Youngjae was so tired of being put on the backburner. 

Jaehyung didn’t need another win and Youngjae didn’t want to give it to him. 

But, on the other hand, how could he look at Mark everyday knowing he did something that could possibly bring him unhappiness? It would tear him up inside. Youngjae groaned loudly, falling back onto his unmade bed. 

“What’s your deal, man?” Youngjae hears suddenly from his doorway. He sees Jaehyung standing against the door, looking like the epitome of classically cool, just further annoying Youngjae, but he had to give Jaehyung the number, he couldn’t do that to Mark, no matter how bad he wanted Jaehyung to lose. 

“Nothing, just stressed about an essay,” Youngjae replies, sitting up. “Um, Mark Tuan stopped me today because he thought I was you an-”

“Who?” Jaehyung cuts in.

“Mark Tuan. Year older than us. Apparently you had some stimulating conversation at Jinyoung’s party on friday?” Youngjae says angrily because, honestly what the fuck? How can Jaehyung not know who Youngjae was talking about? How many Mark’s could he _possibly_ know?

“Oh. _Oh_ , Mark. Right.” Youngjae sighs, rolling his eyes at Jaehyung’s indifference. 

“Anyway, he asked me to give you this.” Youngjae hands the note to Jaehyung, watching him scan it over before crumbling it up and throwing it into Youngjae’s trash can. “What are you doing?!?” Youngjae all but screams.

“Don’t want it. Mark’s hot and all, but I’m not interested. Thanks for passing it on, though.” Jaehyung smiles easily. “It’s your night for dinner, by the way,” he adds, before strolling out of Youngjae’s room, leaving his brother gaping at him. 

Not only did Jaehyung get the number of the boy of Youngjae’s dream boy, but he didn’t even fucking _care_. Youngjae has been mad at Jaehyung plenty of times (when he pushed Youngjae off his bike, when he kissed the girl Youngjae liked on the playground, when he turned in Youngjae’s college entrance essay as his own) but Youngjae thinks he’s never been more mad at him than he is in that very moment. He shouldn’t be making that big of a deal out of it, but it feels like a complete breaking point. He’s fuming, vision practically going red. 

Youngjae has always prided himself in being calculated and careful, but as he looks down at the number he fished out of the trash - paper crumbled from how hard Youngjae is holding it - he does the most reckless thing he’s ever done in his whole life. 

He rips the zipper of his backpack open, grabbing his phone and typing in the number into his messages screen. 

It’s a simple message, just a quick sentence, but Youngjae’s finger hovers over the send button - suddenly unsure of what he's doing, until he hears his brother's obnoxiously loud music through the walls and the anger that had dwindled comes surging back. He looks over the message one last time before letting his finger press the send button. 

_To: Mark  
hey. it's jaehyung. _


	2. Chapter 2

_To: Mark  
hey. it's jaehyung. _

The message stares back at Youngjae, reminding him of the colossal mistake he’s just made. He can feel his heart hammering against his chest as he taps frantically at his screen trying to get the text back. He all but screams when the message finishes sending, ‘delivered’ popping up under the text and then he really does scream when the ‘delivered’ turns to ‘read’. He throws the phone across the bed, like that could turn back to five minutes earlier. 

“Oh my god, oh my god, _oh my god_.” He’s panicking, pacing back and forth, pulling at his hair and chewing his lips.  
He hears his phone vibrate against the comforter and Youngjae whines pathetically. 

“Are you gonna make dinner or what?” Youngjae jumps at the sudden voice, screaming again. “God, okay, I’ll make dinner, stop screaming.” Youngjae tries to calm his heart and control his erratic breathing. He takes a deep breath, sitting on the edge of his bed. 

Nobody knows what he’s done, there's no way anyone could know. It’s his own secret, no one else can see into his lie, there’s no need to be panicked. Except that he’s freaking the fuck out because what if Jaehyung finds out, or, even worse, Mark finds out? This is easily the biggest lie he’s ever told. He’s always prided himself in being truthful and trustworthy (that and he’s a terrible actor and could never get away with lying). But now he’s told a lie that can easily sprawl into an entire web of lies. He shouldn’t reply, let this stop right there with a simple message, really shouldn't even look at it. But he can feel the curiosity growing, wondering what Mark said, what would happen if he just replied one more time. The interest grows and grows, making his leg jitter and his fingers twitch until he cant take it anymore, diving for his phone. 

The message glows on his lock screen, bright and frightening, just drawing him in even further.  
_Hey! Im so glad your brother gave you the number lol good to hear from you :D_  
The small smiley face tacked onto the end of the message makes Youngjae smile stupidly at how Mark is endearingly cute, even through text. 

As Youngjae sees it, he has three options:

1.Don’t reply - end it there and then.  
2\. Reply with a simple message of misunderstanding ( _oh, my phone autocorrected my name to jaehyung’s. I meant to say its youngjae_ ) and explain the truth, that jaehyung didn’t want the number and run the risk of hurting Mark.  
3\. Reply again as Jaehyung and live his dream of having a happily ever after with Mark - only as Jaehyung. 

He tosses out the first option almost immediately. He can’t just not reply - it’s rude, he should at least give Mark a proper answer. He’s got a choice to make; he can go the safe path, the same one he’s been walking on his entire life, or he can take a risk. A stupid, stupid risk that could easily end in Youngjae being stuck in a never ending spiderweb of lies and trouble.

But it could also be a chance to help himself get something he wants. He could use his brother to talk himself up to the point where Mark starts in wonder if he chose the right brother. It’s an idiotic plan and Youngjae is smart enough to know how slim the odds are of it actually working.  
Youngjae’s phone vibrates in his hand with another incoming text from Mark. Youngjae chews on his lip, unlocking his phone. 

_I had fun with you on friday_

Youngjae sighs, fingers hovering his keyboard, conflicted. He thinks about everything Jaehyung has while he sits with nothing to show except a few good grades. He has two friends and has only ever gotten a quick kiss, let alone a relationship, while Jaehyung has a stream of friends and hook ups that never seemed to end. He didn’t need another contact in his phone. It was time for Youngjae to start having a good time on friday night. 

And so he takes the risk.

////

“You did _what_?” Yugyeom yells as Youngjae tells him about his texts to Mark.

“It’s so stupid, right? God I’m so screwed. Oh my god,” Youngjae groans. 

He had spent almost the whole night texting Mark or rolling around his bed in guilt about texting Mark. His plan was already starting to eat him up inside, but now he’s too far into it. And even worse - he really liked Mark. He had half hoped that once he started talking to Mark his crush would dissipate, that he would be stupid or boring, but Mark was everything Youngjae had imagined and his dumb crush only flourished. 

“You’re definitely screwed. I honestly can’t believe you, of all people, pulled this.”

“Pulled what?” Bambam asks, coming up behind Yugyeom and sliding next to him at the picnic table Youngjae and Yugyeom were sitting at. 

“Our good friend Youngjae here has initiated conversation with Mark Tuan,” Yugyeom tells him, watching Bambam’s eyes widen comically. 

“WHAT?!” Bambam practically screams. 

“Keep your voice down!” Youngjae whisper yells at him. 

“Wait, you didn’t hear the best part. He’s initiated conversation with Mark Tuan...as Jaehyung.” Bambam gasps again, looking between them. Youngjae groans, banging his head against the table. 

“Are you shitting me? You’ve got to be fucking shitting me.” 

“He has decided that he will catfish Mark pretending to be Jaehyung to talk himself up in order to get Mark to fall in love with him instead of Jaehyung,” Yugyeom explains and Youngjae bangs his head again. 

“It sounds so stupid when you say it out loud,” Youngjae groans. 

“I love it. Oh my god, I love it,” Bambam says suddenly. “Youngjae you fucking genius, I have never been prouder to be your friend.” 

“Don’t encourage him, Bambam. This isn’t going to end well and we all know it.”

 

“Why do you hate love, Yugyeom? This is the most exciting thing that Youngjae has ever done and could possibly lead to him being in love forever.”

“Thank you, Bam. I appreciate it,” Youngjae starts. “But Yugyeom’s right, I don’t think this isn’t going to end well.” 

“Yugyeom is never right, please never say anything that ridiculous to me again,” Bambam says, getting a pointed glare from Yugyeom. “So, are you going to go out with him as Jaehyung?”

“I don’t know. He hasn’t asked yet, but if he did I don’t know what I would say.” 

“Yes,” Bambam says at the same time Yugyeom says, “No.”

“It’s like an angel and the devil sitting on my shoulder,” Youngjae says as Bambam and Yugyeom glare at each other. 

“The devil was an angel once until he realized he wanted to have fun.” 

“That is not how the story goes,” Yugyeom sighs.

“Yugyeom, I think if you had a dick up your ass instead of that stick that’s up there now, you’d be a lot more fun and supporting.” 

“Ok!” Youngjae says before Yugyeom can take Bambam down (not that it’s hard, Bambam weighs like ten pounds and Yugyeom is a giant). “I have to go to class. Bambam, don’t antagonize Yugyeom, he’s bigger than you.”

“How do you know I’m not big?” Bambam suggests, eyebrows waggling, making Youngjae and Yugyeom groan. 

Youngjae ends up 20 minutes early to Calc, but that’s nothing new. Calc was his favorite class of his current semester. He’s extraordinarily good at math and he never has to critically analyze a mindless essay on discourse communities. And it’s one of his classes with Mark in it. The older boy has never said a single word to him in there, but Youngjae was perfectly fine with just looking at the back of his head and daydreaming. He usually ends up staring at Mark the entirety of the class and honestly he’s lucky he’s managed to keep his grade as high as it is. 

He’s the first one in the class (he usually is) and he sits in his regular spot, taking out the novel he’s been reading the past couple days. He only gets through about ten pages when someone comes and stands in front of his desk, looking down at him. Youngjae looks up and almost chokes on his breath when he sees Mark’s stupidly handsome face smiling at him. 

“Hi, Youngjae!” Mark says and Youngjae’s breath hitches at Mark’s voice saying his name. 

“Um, hi?” 

“I didn’t know you were in this class,” Mark says casually like him and Youngjae talk all the time (which, technically, they did talk for a long time last night, but Mark doesn’t know that). 

“Um, yeah. All semester,” Youngjae says quietly. 

“Oh. Well, I definitely know now,” Mark says and Youngjae nods, smiling at him. Youngjae isn’t sure why Mark is talking to him. He knows that he’s not Jaehyung and his plan couldn’t have possibly worked this fast. He starts to panic that Mark had figured out that he was pretending to be Jaehyung. 

“So, I was talking to your brother last night.” Me. You were talking to me, Youngjae wants to say, but he stays silent, relieved his secret was safe. “And he told me you’re like super smart.” Youngjae remembers the conversation from last night and he wouldn’t say he said he was super smart, just mildly gifted. “And I’m kind of struggling in here.” Youngjae already knew that, too. “So, I was wondering if you would think about tutoring me?”  


Youngjae opens his mouth to shout _YES PLEASE_ but is suddenly reminded of the position he’s put himself in with Mark. If he puts himself in a position where he’s around Mark for more than a minute at a time, he runs the risk of being caught in the web of lies he’s spun. If he had known Mark was going to ask him for help he would have never done any of these. But, on the other hand, would Mark had ever asked him at all, if not for the “Jaehyung”’s meddling? It’s only been one day and his lies are already coming back to him. 

“Look, um, it’s okay if you don’t want to, I completely understand. You’re probably busy,” Mark stutters out, as Youngjae continues to stay silent. Youngjae almost wants to cry at the helpless look in Mark’s eyes. He had told him last night that he wasn’t doing so well in calc, but Youngjae hadn’t realized it was this bad. He wanted so bad to help Mark and wanted even more to spend time one-on-one with him, but he was so scared that if they spent hours and hours together, even if it is just studying, Mark would find out his newfound secret and he would lose any trust the other boy had in him and “Jaehyung”.

But if Mark doesn’t ever find out, if Youngjae can keep up appearances, pretend to be his brother and himself, this could be a giant step in his “make Mark fall in love with me” plan. It’s in every high school drama Yugyeom makes him watch, the student always falls in love with the tudor. But that can only happen if, by some chance of luck Youngjae never seems to have, Mark never, ever, finds out the lies Youngjae has told. 

“It’s okay, I can find someone else. Hopefully before the next test…”Mark trails off, turning to go back to his seat and Youngjae makes, yet another, stupid move. 

“Wait!” Youngjae says, getting up from his desk and grabbing Mark’s wrist. “I’d love to help you.” 

Mark’s eyes light up and Youngjae grunts as Mark pulls him against him in a bone-crushing hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Youngjae would’ve probably forgotten to breath with Mark so close to him, if Mark hadn’t already made it impossible with how tightly he was holding him. 

“Mark, uh - You’re holding on a little too tightly,” Youngjae says reluctantly.

“Sorry, sorry,” Mark says, letting Youngjae go, much to Youngjae’s disappointment. “Let me give you…” Mark trails off, reaching into his back-pack and taking out a sticky note, “my number.” 

Youngjae starts to panic, he can’t text Mark from his phone, Mark thinks _his_ number is _Jaehyung’s_ number. “Um,” Youngjae starts, looking for an excuse, some sort of reason for not taking Mark’s number. “My phone is broken!” 

Mark stops writing, looking at him. “Oh. Um, okay, is there any other way to contact you?” Youngjae chews on his lips, he really needed to start thinking things through. 

“We have about two hours in between this class and our physics class, why don’t we head to the library and study then?” Youngjae offers, ignoring Mark’s question. 

“Okay, yeah! That sounds great,” Mark says and Youngjae nods, sitting back in his chair and letting out a relieved sigh. Mark turns back suddenly to Youngjae and the younger looks up, worried that Mark had piece something together. “You’re in my physics class?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd and not even reread. im sorry it sucks and im sorry that it takes me so long to update things im bad at it

Tutoring Mark was somewhat of a spiritual experience, something you had to see in order to believe it. Youngjae honestly didn’t know how the boy had made it this far with what little he knew about calculus. Mark may be skilled in a thousand different fields, but mathematics was not one of them. They met every tuesday and thursday in between their calc class and physics class, walking side by side to the library, Youngjae blushing slightly every time their hands so much as touched. Mark was difficult to work with, easily distracted and not well versed in the formulas he was supposed to know by now, but every frustrating moment was worth seeing the cute way Mark would stick his tongue out when he was concentrating hard enough. 

“Is this right?” Mark asks, pulling Youngjae back. He hadn’t been looking at Mark’s work, too focused on the way Mark scrunched his eyes together looking at the problem. 

“Let’s see...” Youngjae quickly scans over his work, finding only one mistake this time. “Close. You forgot to carry the negative through the integral.” 

Mark sighs, picking up his pencil again. “I’m sorry. I really am smart in other classes, I just really do not get this. I’m hopeless, aren’t I?” Youngjae doesn’t doubt that Mark is smarter in his other classes, in fact Youngjae was certain Mark had a certain gift for languages.

“Of course not. Sometimes it just takes a little longer. Try it again,” Youngjae says, nodding towards Mark’s paper. Mark doesn’t look convinced, but he tries anyway, lining up his numbers, face pulled in a cute scowl. 

“So,” Mark starts, still working on the problem in front of him. “Has Jaehyung said anything about me recently?” They’ve been studying together for two weeks now, but Mark hadn’t brought up Jaehyung once. Youngjae had thought it was odd at first, but had been relieved that Mark didn’t seem to want to talk about Jaehyung, but was still texting him every day almost non-stop. Youngjae tried his hardest to sound like his brother at all times, but sometimes, late at night, when his eyes drooped tiredly, he would slip and start talking about his love for Murakami novels or sci-fi movies. What made things worse was that Mark held the same affections for things Youngjae’s accidently tells him, making Youngjae’s attachment to Mark grow but Mark’s fondness of Jaehyung flourish. 

“Aren’t you a little old to be looking for gossip?” Youngjae jokes, wanting to keep the topic of Jaehyung out of their one-on-one time. 

“You’re never too old for gossip, Youngjae. It’s all middle aged housewives do. Trust me I was raised by a nanny hired by one,” Mark says, laughing lamely. It takes Youngjae off guard, he’s been talking with Mark for a while now and Mark never mentioned his family. “Jaehyung” had spoken a lot about Youngjae to Mark, and had even mentioned a little about their parents, but the other hadn’t said a single work about whether he had any siblings and never mentioned his parents either. 

“Oh, I didn’t know you had a nanny.” The image is sad to him, a child version of Mark playing with a nanny instead of going to the park with his dad, or helping his mom bake cookies for his school bake sale, like Youngjae had growing up. 

“I don’t talk about my family much…”Mark drifts off, pushing his paper towards Youngjae. “Right?” he asks, changing the subject back to his problem. Youngjae accepts that Mark doesn’t want to talk about his family anymore, but he keeps the small detail Mark let slip close to him. Youngjae scans the paper, looking for a mistake. When he can’t find on he turns to his own work to see if the answers match up. Mark beams when Youngjae tells him he’s right and, besides just being able to spend time with Mark alone, that was his favorite part of teaching him. Youngjae practically lived for the radiant smiles and happy noises Mark made when he got a question right. It almost wanted made Youngjae just want to tell him that he always got the answer right, even when his answer was miles away. “I think I deserve a reward for that one. Tell me what Jaehyung has said about me,” Mark requests, leaning his chin on his hand and looking over at Youngjae.  
_He hasn’t said anything about you because he’s not the one talking to you_ Youngjae thinks in his head. “Oh, not much. He just said he likes talking to you,” Youngjae replies vaguely. 

“That’s it?” Mark asks and Youngjae only nods, suddenly really interested in his cap eraser. “Because I was thinking of asking him out. Y’know, like on a real date, but I don’t want to if you think he’s not into me.” 

Youngjae opens his mouth, shutting it just as fast. He had been thinking about what he would do if Mark asked Jaehyung out since Bambam brought it, but he was still lost on an answer. When it was just talking to Mark over text it was no problem to pretend to be someone else, but in person it was a whole other ball game. Him and Jaehyung might look identical, but they couldn’t be more different of people and Youngjae didn’t know if he could pull off being his brother for real. 

“I don’t know what he would say,” Youngjae says finally.

“Oh,” Mark says, smile falling and turning back to his paper. “Maybe I shouldn’t then.” Youngjae hates when Mark looks like that, like a kicked kitten, it makes him want to do anything in the world to get him to smile again. 

“I mean the worst he can say is no, right?” Youngjae says, cursing himself for putting himself in another possibly compromising position. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I can handle him saying no.” Mark smiles at him and Youngjae would get himself into any situation on earth to see Mark smile like that for the rest of his life. “At least I think I can. I really like him,” Mark sighs and that’s what makes up Youngjae’s mind up. If Mark asked Jaehyung out, he would say yes, no matter what risk it ran.  


/////

“You said _yes?_ ” Yugyeom’s almost screams, eyes widen comically. Mark had texted Jaehyung late last night. Youngjae had been half relieved when Mark didn’t text through most of the day, but just as Youngjae had been gearing up for bed, dog earing his novel and flipping his lamp off, when his phone vibrated on his bedside table. _do you want to get coffee tomorrow?_

“Of course he said yes Yugyeom, not everyone is afraid of love,” Bambam remarks. Yugyeom shoves him, making the small thai squawk and fall off his chair. 

“I am not afraid of love, I’m just not a fan of deception,” Yugyeom replies, helping Bambam up with a sigh. 

“You do like deception, you’ve watched all of To The Beautiful You three times.”

“That’s not the same thing!” 

“Regardless, Youngjae is our friend and he needs our help,” Bambam says, Youngjae looking over at Yugyeom with pleading eyes.

Yugyeom sighs, “Fine, but _only_ because you’re my best friend and you need serious help.”

“I don’t know if I need serious help, that seems a little extreme...” Youngjae trails off, looking down at his clothes. 

“No, Yugyeom’s right. This whole nerdy glasses, oversized hoodie look is cute and all, but I’m pretty sure Jaehyung wouldn’t be caught dead in it. Not to mention the way you talk is just so…”

“So Youngjae,” Yugyeom finishes, Bambam nodding next to him. “Not that there’s anything wrong with you, but Mark isn’t looking to get coffee with you, he’s looking for Jaehyung.” Youngjae tries not to feel offended, because he knows they’re right, but it still stings a little that Mark still wants his brother instead of him, even after all the time he’s spent talking himself up as Jaehyung and all the flirting he’s tried to do during his tutoring sessions (if you could call it flirting (most wouldn’t)). 

“Yeah, Jaehyung is smooth and mysterious and sexy. You, on the other hand, have less romantic experience than a suburban eighth grader and sometimes you talk like you swallowed a library. You need to be like on Lady Bertilak level seduction.”

“Gawain doesn’t sleep with Lady Bertilak, though. Do you ever actually finish any of you readings?” Yugyeom remarks, making Bambam huff, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“ _That’s not the point, Yugyeom_..” 

“Fine,” Youngjae cuts in, sighing in defeat. “Help me.” 

/////

  
“You have _nothing_ usable in here. How many hoodies to you own?” Bambam squeaks, horrified looking on his face as he looks through Youngjae’s closet. He has t-minus one hour to change his entire self and he’s doubtful that he can do it. Bambam had dragged him off campus with a unmanly gasp when Youngjae told him that the date was at five, stating it wasn’t enough time to do his magic. Since then Bambam had torn every piece of clothing out of his closet while Yugyeom sat next to him, quizzing him on everything he could find from Jaehyung’s social media.

“Favorite movie?” Yugyeom drills.

“I don’t know, Top Gun?” Youngjae guesses, starting to feel like Bambam was right; he didn’t have enough time. 

“No, Die Hard. I don’t get how you can memorize thousands of math equations, but you can’t remember a few facts about your own brother,” Yugyeom says, flicking Youngjae in the head. “Focus.” 

“This is hopeless,” Bambam groans, throwing Youngjae’s favorite hoodie on the floor. “I need to go to the source.” 

“No, Bam, stay out of Jaehyung’s stuff. He’d _kill_ me,” Youngjae yelps, jumping off the bed to stop Bambam. Bambam is faster than him, pushing into the hallway and into Jaehyung’s room with Youngjae on his heels. 

“Jesus, it’s a mess, how does he live in here,” Bambam says, stepping over piles of dirty clothes. 

“Just hurry up, would you?” Bambam goes searching through the clothes piles, humming in approval while throwing pieces at Youngjae. Youngjae looks around while Bambam continues hunting. He hasn’t been in here probably since they moved in, but Jaehyung’s room was reminiscent of their shared childhood room. Their parents had thought it would get them to be closer, but it had just made Youngjae angry at his brother every time he had to step into the room. Jaehyung never seemed to care when Youngjae wanted to study, blasting his music without headphones, his things somehow always ended up on Youngjae’s side of the room, and he seemed to be allergic to laundry, something he clearly still had a distaste for. 

Youngjae’s looking in disgust at the pizza box sitting on the dresser, wondering how long ago they had had pizza, when he sees a framed photo of him and Jaehyung. Youngjae steps over a discarded textbook to pick up the frame, getting a closer look at the photo. It’s from their graduation day; their parents had been overjoyed, for Youngjae because he graduated within the top ten and for Jaehyung because he graduated at all. They had pushed the two boys together, making them smile wide for the camera and, for once, neither had been ready to throw a fist at the other. Though he wouldn’t admit it, Youngjae had the same photo sitting on his desk, but he’s surprised Jaehyung has it at all. It should make Youngjae feel happy that his brother cares enough to keep something that reminds him Youngjae exists, but all it does is make him feel guilty. He had started this scheme mostly because of his affection for Mark, but also so that Jaehyung didn’t win over him again. He’s only ever worried about how his lies could hurt Mark, never feeling guilty about using Jaehyung. At least, not until now. 

“Bam, do you think I’m doing the right thing?” Youngjae asks, looking down at the photo again. 

“ ‘Course, your closet is okay at best and you’ll look great in those jeans. I doubt Jaehyung will even notice they’re gone.” 

“Mook, seriously.” Bambam looks over at the sound of Youngjae using his real name. He instantly drops the jacket he’s holding, walking over to Youngjae and taking the photo out of his hand. “Do you think I should be doing this?”

“Youngjae, Jaehyung has been a total dick to you all your life, okay? You deserve to win something, to be happy, even if it's just for a little bit. Now, go get dressed.” Bambam picks up the jacket and jeans, handing them to Youngjae and pushing him towards the bathroom. 

He ends up in jeans that are a little too tight, a jacket that’s a little too loose, and the boots Bambam made him wear make him clumsier than he already is. His hair feels weird in the way Yugyeom parted in for him and the contacts he has to wear irritate his eyes. But he must admit, if he were to look at him and Jaehyung from an outside view, he doesn’t think he would be able to tell the difference. 

He’s starting to feel anxious as he walks with Yugyeom and Bambam to the small coffee shop on campus. Yugyeom is still giving him last minute pointers, but Youngjae can barely hear him, the sound of his own heavy breathing deafening. He can see the back of Mark’s head through the window, red hair sticking up at all angles, and he turns to run back to his room and wrap himself up in his comforter and never see Mark again. Bambam and Yugyeom stop him, grabbing him and turning him towards to door. 

“Stop it, just go in there. Don’t be nervous, you have no reason to be. If things start to go bad, Yugyeom and I will be spying on the entire thing, we’ll save you,” Bambam says, opening the door and pushing Youngjae in. 

Youngjae stumbles in his clunky boots as he makes his way over to the table Mark’s at. He takes a deep breath before sliding into the other side of the booth. “Hey,” Youngjae says, trying his hardest to pull off the cool indifference Jaehyung always has when he speaks. It doesn’t work, the word catching in Youngjae’s throat making his voice crack. Mark doesn’t seem to notice, looking up from where he was tapping at his phone with a happy smile. 

“Hey! Good to see you,” he says sincerely, smiling fully by the end of his sentence. 

“Yeah, yeah. You too.” Out of the corner of his eye You can see Bambam and Yugyeom sit down in at the table two away from them, staring at them. 

“I’m so happy we could do this, I was worried you would say no. I’m glad you didn’t,” Mark says, the tips of his ears turning pink. He hears Bambam’s _aww_ from across the tables and he shoots his two friends a glare. Yugyeom claps a hand over Bambam’s mouth, sending Youngjae an apologetic glance. 

“I would never say no to someone as cute as you,” Youngjae replies, hoping it doesn’t sound as cheesy as it does to his own ears. 

Mark laughs lightly, the laugh that he always uses when Youngjae tells a dumb joke when their tutoring. “You’re a lot greasier than I remember.” 

“Guess I’m just nervous.” 

“ _You_ nervous? The famous heartbreaker Jaehyung nervous?” Mark says incredulously. Youngjae laughs fully, leaning back into the booth. “You and your brother have the same laugh. Cute.” Mark’s comment makes Youngjae stop laughing, focusing him. He’s not on this date as Youngjae, he’s here as Jaehyung and he needs to start acting like it.  
The cafe’s waitress comes by, placing two cups on the table and Mark thanks her. “I just got us regular coffee, I hope that’s okay.”

“Yeah, it’s cool,” Youngjae replies, trying to sound as nonchalant as Jaehyung does every time he’s ever talked to Youngjae. 

Youngjae let’s Mark do a lot of the talking. If there’s one thing he’s learned from living with Jaehyung for nineteen years is that he never says anything when it’s not needed. So he sits and listens to Mark, sipping his coffee, and adding when he feels like Mark wants to hear him. He feels nice, relaxed in Mark’s company, like he could listen to Mark talk about a rock for hours and still be content. He feels like everything's going right, Mark looks happy and he feels happy. His anxiety is drifting off him with every word Mark says and Youngjae wishes he could live this day for the rest of his life. 

Youngjae can see Bambam trying to get his attention from the corner of his eye, but doesn’t think he needs any of his friends help right now, everything is going great. Youngjae waves them off under the table, ignoring them in favor of listening to Mark story. 

“So we're on the way to the MAT co-” Mark cuts of when Youngjae’s phone starts vibrating frantically on the table. “Is something wrong, do you need to get that?” 

“It’s probably just a friend of mine, he doesn’t seem to know when it’s time to stop talking sometimes,” Youngjae says, locking his phone. He hears Bambam groan and he rolls his eyes at his friend’s exaggerations. 

“I feel that, Jackson doesn’t ever stop talking. I can’t ever get two words in and then he wonders why I’m so quiet.” 

“I-” Youngjae gets cut off by his phone vibrating again. He hears Bambam clear his throat obnoxiously loud making Youngjae huffs in annoyance, but he picks up his phone anyway.  
When he unlocks his phone he has missed texts from Bambam and Yugyeom in their group chat. He skips over the first ten or so, just commending him on how well the dates going, but the rest are all from the past two minutes.  
_DUDE_  
_GET OUT_  
_JAEHYUNG IS HERE_  
5:47 PM  
_WHY ARENT YOU ANSWERING_  
_YOUNGAJE_  
_U GOTTA GET OUT_  
_BITCH LOOK AT UR PHONE_  
_I KNOW U HEAR IT_  
5:48 PM  
Youngjae looks up at Mark in a panic before turning to Yugyeom and Bambam both mouthing at him to get out. He looks around the cafe for his brother. He doesn’t see him at first and he sags in relief, until the group of girls at the register moves and he sees the real Jaehyung flirting with the cashier. 

“Are you okay?” Mark asked, worried at Youngjae’s sudden panic. Youngjae nods frantically, trying to think of a way to get out without Jaehyung seeing them. He opens to the group chat, sending a vague _Distract jaehyung_ before turning back to Mark. 

“I’m great! You know it’s such a nice day out, why don’t we go for a walk?” Youngjae asks, getting up from their table without waiting for Mark to answer. He sees Bambam and Yugyeom at the counter talking to his brother. Mark gets out of his chair, intertwining his fingers with Youngjae. Youngjae tries not let his face go hot. 

He watches Bambam and Yugyeom with Jaehyung, walking slowly with Mark to the door. He keeps Mark to the other side of him, making sure the older boy can’t see Jaehyung, and keeps his head hung low. When he sees Bambam raise an arm behind Yugyeom, waving at them to hurry out the door, Youngjae practically sprints to the door, Mark in tow. 

Youngjae breathes a sigh of relief when they make it out the door unscathed. Mark looks blissfully unaware and he wants to keep it that way for as long as he possibly can and this near run in made Youngjae more anxious than he’s ever been. But he made it through. At least until Bambam and Yugyeom come running out the door, Jaehyung not far behind.

His brother hasn’t seen him yet, but Youngjae has less than ten seconds to figure out how to hide himself. There’s nowhere to go and he can’t hide in plain sight. He suddenly remembers a scene from a drama Yugyeom had made him sit through. While he was watching it, he had thought it was the stupidest thing he had ever seen, there was no way something like that could work in real life, but now it seems like it’s his only option. 

Mark is looking at him like he’s waiting for Youngjae to lead him somewhere, but Youngjae takes the opportunity to slip his hands to the side of Mark’s face, angling the two of them so that if it actually works the only Jaehyung will see is the back of his head. Youngjae takes a deep breath and just as Jaehyung pushes the door of the coffee shop open, presses his lips against Mark’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know how if liked it!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is mature

Youngjae had only ever kissed two other people in his life. The first was when he was fifteen. He had been invited to his only ever party and, even then, he had the suspicion that he’d only been invited so that he would bring his brother along with him. The kids at the party had all but forced him to sit in for a game of spin the bottle. He managed to make it unscathed for almost all the game, but on one of the last spins it had landed right on him, the other side landing on a girl a year above him. Nayeon was pretty, probably one of the prettiest girls in their school, and she looked less than enthused to have to be kissing Youngjae. But she did. She leaned across the table and pressed her lips right against Youngjae’s. 

Youngjae remembers her sticky lipgloss that left his lips tasting like strawberries. He remembers how soft everything about her was, her lips, her fingertips on the edge of his jaw, even the way she kissed him had been delicate. He remembers how much he liked the gentle feel of her lips against his. But what he remembers most is how he felt after. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him as they pulled apart - the pretty girl and the nerdy twin brother was probably a sight to see. 

The actual kiss hadn’t last more than 30 seconds, Nayeon pushing against him to pull apart, wiping a finger along to her bottom lip to fix her lip gloss - ridding herself of any trace of Youngjae kissing her. Youngjae watches as she goes back to ignoring him like the kiss never happened and Youngjae suddenly feels repulsed. He feels almost cheated out of an experience that should of been shared with someone special to him, at least someone he knew for more than five minutes. He’s flushed with sudden hatred for Nayeon, and everyone at the party who made him participate, for taking something from him. Before tonight he had never known what it was like to kiss someone but now that stolen by someone who didn’t even want it and he could never get it back. 

The second person he kissed was Yugyeom. He had been staying with the Kim’s for almost a week at that point, sliding in next to Yugyeom each night in his tiny twin bed. They were eighteen, about to start college together and be on their own for the first time in their own for the first time in their lives. A month previous to that night Youngjae had been overjoyed to start college, ready to leave high school and everyone in it behind, but most importantly, ready to finally be separated from Jaehyung. His own person in a place that had no idea Youngjae was the lesser part of set. 

He had been ecstatic when he received his acceptance letter, but the joy faltered quickly when he saw a similar envelope in Jaehyung’s hands. He had never told his parents about Jaehyung stealing his application essay, they were having enough trouble with him, Youngjae didn’t need to add to it. But as they congratulated his twin over and over, barely giving Youngjae a pat on the back, he wished he had. He wished he had told them everything Jaehyung had ever done to him. Jaehyung simply shrugged in indifference at the letter, saying he would decide if he wanted to go later. Later came three weeks after they received their letters. Youngjae had just paid his tuition deposit, when Jaehyung glared at the attention being given to Youngjae. He stood up, grabbed Youngjae’s laptop and paid his too. 

His parents sat him down that night while Jaehyung was gone, telling him the apartment they had been promising Youngjae for his hard work would have to be shared with Jaehyung. They hadn’t expected Jaehyung to be attend college, they hadn’t really even expected him to be accepted. But he had and while Youngjae had been lucky enough to have his tuition all but paid for from scholarships, they now had to pay for four years of Jaehyung’s education. His brother’s tuition made it hard for them to afford one apartment, let alone two. Youngjae understood, he would be selfish not to, but it didn’t make him any less angry. All Jaehyung did was take, take, take from him and he was so _tired_ of it. And now he had to put up with it for another four years. 

He ends up at Yugyeom’s that night, duffel bag full of clothes. The Kim’s began getting used to Youngjae staying with Yugyeom for long periods of time about three years into their almost ten year friendship. Youngjae’s mom used to worry when he first started running away, but she too had gotten used to Youngjae escaping to Yugyeom’s. 

He had been there a week, helping Yugyeom pick a dorm and a roommate. He had chosen a foreign boy from Thailand, muttering, “he’s so cute” when he saw the boys pink streak and chubby cheeks. Yugyeom own cheeks had flushed red at the comment, like he hadn’t meant to say it and Youngjae didn’t mention it until they laid side by side in the dark. 

“Yugyeom-ah?” Youngjae said softly, just loud enough for Yugyeom to hear. Youngjae isn’t sure how to ask. He’s been thinking about it since Yugyeom slipped earlier, racking his brain for hours on a way to ask if he looked at boys and felt the way he was supposed to feel about girls, like Youngjae did. He doesn’t know how to put it gracefully, to not sound like he’s accusing Yugyeom of something. 

“Do you-” Youngjae swallows, trying to get the works out. He’s afraid that if he asks he’ll have to face the question himself, to stop denying something that still felt wrong to him. “Do you like boys?”

Yugyeom’s breath hitches and even in the dark, Youngjae can feel Yugyeom’s eyes on him, like he’s exposed Yugyeom’s biggest secret. And maybe he had. 

“I,” Yugyeom’s voice cracks and he clears his throat. “I don’t know.” He sounds so scared, so frighteningly vulnerable that Youngjae probably would’ve teared up if he didn’t feel the same sense of fear flooding through him. Youngjae reaches out for Yugyeom’s hand in the dark, squeezing lightly when he finds it, a silent reassurance. 

“Me too,” Youngjae says after a pause. He says it so quietly like he’s afraid of someone else hearing, like now that he’s spoken it into the darkness it would light up the room and reveal his secret to the world. 

There’s a weird tension between them, like they’re each waiting for the other to do something, eerily quiet except for their own breathing. Youngjae can feel Yugyeom’s palm sweating against his own and Youngjae thinks that his own might be too. 

He can feel Yugyeom move beside him, turning and looking at him. Youngjae looks back at him, swallowing audibly. “Have you-” he’s cut off by Yugyeom pressing his own lips against Youngjae’s, sloppy and inexperienced. Youngjae brings up a hesitant hand, letting it rest on the side of Yugyeom’s face, thumb grazing his jawline. He likes the way Yugyeom’s lips move, controlling and rough against his. Yugyeom tastes like the chocolate milk he had with dinner, sweet flavor clashing with the harsh feel of Yugyeom’s teeth biting at his bottom lip. 

Youngjae let’s Yugyeom’s hands wander over him, dipping his thumbs into the dips of his collarbones and over the sliver of shoulder exposed from his oversized shirt. Youngjae leans into the touches, likes the feeling of Yugyeom’s warm hand on skin, but he can’t shake the thought that it’s his best friend who’s touching him. Yugyeom’s hands get bolder, sliding off Youngjae’s shoulder and slipping under his shirt. He just lets his fingers rest along the jut of Youngjae’s hipbone, but the constant warm just seems to make the voice telling him it’s Yugyeom grow louder. It’s screaming at him by the time Youngjae finally pulls away, breathless and rattled, a non stop mantra of _this is yugyeom, your best friend. you’re kissing your best friend_

“Too weird?” Yugyeom asks when they catch their breath, lying back next to Youngjae. 

Youngjae hums, feeling suddenly sleepy. “A little. I liked kissing you, but I couldn’t get the fact that I was kissing _you_ out of my head.” Yugyeom laughs quietly beside him, leaning against Youngjae. He can still feel his lips tingling slightly from Yugyeom and he thinks about how much he had liked kissing a boy, maybe even more than he liked kissing Nayeon. He doesn't know if he liked it so much because of the fact that he was kissing a boy, or if it was just the fact that he was kissing someone familiar to him. He's more confused about himself than ever, but he also feels a slight sense of relief like he's finally answered a difficult problem after struggling for so long. 

But neither of those compared to how it felt to kiss Mark. It doesn’t make him feel shy and inexperienced like when he kissed Nayeon and it doesn’t give him some big realization like when he had kissed Yugyeom. It makes him feel a little overwhelmed with how much he likes the hot press of Mark’s lips on his, sharp teeth nipping at his bottom lip. It makes him want to kiss Mark until he’s entirely breathless and all he can do his give Mark more of his own air. Makes him want to chase the taste of Mark’s mouth, savor every trace of coffee and toothpaste and something he doesn’t recognize, but can’t get enough of. 

Mark’s hands fist into the bottom of Youngjae’s shirt, pulling his closer. Youngjae’s own hands have drifted from the side of Mark’s face down to his neck, fingers playing with the coarse hairs. Mark pulls away first, cheeks flushed prettily and breathing hard against Youngjae’s throat, making him shudder. 

“Do you want to go back to my dorm? Jaebum should be out on his date with Jinyoungie,” Mark asks, pulling his already kiss-swollen between his teeth. Youngjae nods without thinking, letting Mark grab his hands and pull him towards the student housing. 

Mark slams Youngjae against the dorm door as soon as it swings shut, kissing him harshly. He pushes a thigh in-between Youngjae’s legs and Youngjae groans at the contact to his dick. He can hear his own heart-beating in his ears, breath coming out in short pants even though Mark had barely even _touched_ him yet. Mark smirked, dropping to his knees. 

“Been thinking about this since the last time we did this,” Mark says, working the buckle of Youngjae’s belt open. Youngjae’s face contorts in confusion, forgetting who he’s supposed to be. He remembers as Mark wanks his jeans down so they’re halfway down his thighs. Mark thinks he’s Jaehyung. Jaehyung who he’s already slept with. Jaehyung who he thinks he’s been texting for weeks. 

“Wait, wait,” Youngjae gasps as Mark mouths at the fabric of his boxers. 

“Don’t tell me you’re gonna be shy now,” Mark teased as he dragged his palm over Youngjae’s hard cock. He slowly slipped Youngjae’s boxers down and letting the entirety of his length spring free.

Mark hummed, “It’s even bigger than I remember.” The redhead ran his tongue along the underside of his cock, nails gently running over his pale inner thighs. Youngjae’s straining against his stomach by the time Mark wraps his lips over the tip, sucking lightly. As guilty as he feels about Mark thinking he’s his brother, he’s too far gone now to do anything about it, revealing in the feel of Mark’s mouth wrapped around him. 

Youngjae mewls as Mark goes further down, his fist wrapping around the base. He can feel Mark’s spit sliding down his cock, the older boy sucking audibly. Mark grabs Youngjae’s hand, pushing it into his already messy red hair. Youngjae grips his hair harshly, questioning if that’s what Mark wanted. The way Mark moans lewdly around Youngjae’s cock answers it for him. 

Between the slick wet noises Mark’s mouth makes every time he bobs further, to the actual feel of Mark’s lips wrapped around him, he can’t seem to even _care_ that Mark thinks he’s Jaehyung, that he would pretend to be the Pope if it meant having Mark like this. 

Youngjae let’s out a deep groan when Mark takes him all the way into his mouth. He can feel Mark’s throat working around the head, relaxing to take him down. Youngjae finds enough strength to open his eyes, looking down at the boy on his knees. Youngjae had thought about Mark’s mouth around him probably more than what was healthy, but what he sees now beats every single fantasy he’s ever had. Mark looks almost blissed out, like he’s appeased to have a cock down his throat. His lips are red and abused, slick with spit and the precum that had begun to leak from his tip. 

“Oh _fuck_ ,” Youngjae breathes out when he looks past Mark’s face to see the older boy’s hand pushed into his own pants. Youngjae hadn’t realised how close he was, but watching Mark work his own cock while he had Youngjae in his mouth has him arching against the door. He pulls on Mark’s hair, unable to even voice a warning. Mark doesn’t pull off though, sucking harder until Youngjae comes down the back of his throat. 

Mark lets his mouth suck on the very tip until Youngjae is whining with oversensitivity. Mark pulls off, looking up at Youngjae, sated and leaning against the door. He gets off his knees, kissing Youngjae again. Youngjae can taste himself on Mark’s tongue and there’s something so erotic about it, sending a shiver up Youngjae’s spine. 

“Do you need me to...y’know…” Youngjae says, gesturing towards Mark’s jeans when Mark pulls away, mouthing at his neck. Youngjae can feel his face flushing pink, he’s never even seen someone else’s dick in person, let alone _touched_ one. But when he looks at Mark’s face it holds a similar deep red. 

“I, um, kind of already came,” Mark says shyly, blush going darker. Youngjae looks down at Mark’s pants and sure enough there’s a wet spot staining his gray underwear. 

“Just from that?” Youngjae all but gasps, feeling his oversensitive cock twitch against his thigh. 

Mark hums, hiding his face in Youngjae’s neck “I-” he starts, but is cut off by the door being pushed open, shoving Youngjae and Mark off of it and onto the ground. Youngjae lands awkwardly on top of Mark, pants still half-way down his thighs. Youngjae can feel his entire body turn beet red as he tries his best to hide behind Mark and pull up his pants. 

Jaebum stands in the doorway, Jinyoung poking his head out from behind him. “Right in the doorway, huh? Have a little decency, I have to _live_ here.” 

Youngjae heads home when he’s all dressed. Mark kisses him goodbye, this time slow and sweet. He smiles the entire way home. He knows he should feel worried about Jaebum saying something, or guilty for lying to Mark, but he can’t find it in himself to feel anything but happy. 

Mark texts him later that night, just as Youngjae was coming out of the shower. He’s surprised when he sees a picture attached to the message, nearly choking when he opens it. It’s dark and grainy, but Youngjae can see Mark’s pale torso and neck in the picture, arm laying in the space next to on the bed. The message with it reads, _had fun today, we should do it again_ and it would seem innocent enough if Youngjae didn't know what they had done. 

Youngjae groans at the memory of Mark on his knees earlier, his dick twitching in his sweatpants. He throws his phone down on the bed, not giving Mark a response, and not looking at the picture again (until the next morning when he makes the mistake of opening it, fresh in the messages, and has to take a longer than usual shower).

/////

The panic doesn’t set in until Monday night. He spent the whole weekend in peaceful bliss, texting Mark and working on his essay for his lit class. Youngjae’s convinced that Mark had decided that, after what had happened on their date, he could take the flirting and teasing up a couple notches. Now that Youngjae had experienced first hand what Mark could do, every message Mark sent that even skirted on the edge of dirty made Youngjae want to pull his hair out. His only break from it was when Mark had track practice and even then Youngjae’s mind wanders from the essay on Conrad to Mark in his cute track shorts, body sweaty from exertion.

He had completely forgotten about the fact that Jinyoung and Jaebum had walked in on them, that he had been caught pretending to be someone he wasn’t. It doesn’t register in his mind that being caught by Mark’s friends could cause a problem for him. He files Jinyoung and Jaebum in the back of his head, far away from any problems he could possibly have, until he’s camped out in the living room, books spread out on the table, and hears Jaehyung say Jinyoung’s name. 

Youngjae’s head shoots up, dropping the pen he had been holding in-between his teeth. He can hear Jaehyung moving around the kitchen. It was his night to cook dinner for them and Youngjae was surprised that he hadn’t mysteriously disappeared as he usually did on his night for dinner duty. 

Youngjae hops up off the couch, moving to the kitchen door and pressing his ear against it. 

“Wait, Jinyoung said what?” Jaehyung asks to whoever he’s speaking to. He can’t hear the person on the other side of the line, just a deep tinny murmur. 

“Dating Mark is a stretch, we hooked up like once.” Youngjae’s heart bangs harshly against his chest at the mention of Mark. He can hear his own breaths coming out erratically, like he’s about to hyperventilate. Youngjae wishes more than anything he could hear what the other voice was saying. Youngjae didn't even know that Jaehyung _knew_ Jinyoung. He was sure that he had met everyone his brother hung around with, whether he wanted to know them, or not. There had been a time during Youngjae and Jaehyung’s first semester when Jaehyung would bring a new friend home every night, just to be sure Youngjae couldn't get any studying done and not once had any of those friends been Jinyoung. 

“When he walked in on us? I don't remember Jinyoung walking in on us, although I was a little out of it,” Jaehyung replies to the phone. “Tell Jinyoung that Mark and I are definitely _not_ dating.” Youngjae flinches at the harshness of the words and he starts to think about what would happen if Jinyoung tells Mark about how cold Jaehyung has acted when asked about him. He thinks about how mad Mark would be at him for lying; how upset he would be when he found out that all this time, he wasn't getting the twin he asked for. He can feel tears stinging the backs of his eyes at how close he is to being found out, how easy it would be for Jaehyung to go and find Mark and ask him what was going on. Youngjae can see everything falling apart around him and it seems like there's nothing he can do about it. 

“Yeah, I'll see you later. Bye.” Jaehyung's voice reminds him of where he is. Brushing off the tears that had begun to drip down his cheeks, he goes back to his spot on the couch, waiting for something to happen. He tries to get back on his work, but his mind drifts back to Mark, highlighter leaking through the pages as he loses focus. 

It's Jaehyung again who interrupts his thought, putting a plate in front of him and sitting down next to him on the couch. 

“You know Mark, right?” Jaehyung says, taking a break from shoveling food in his mouth. Youngjae’s throat tightens at Mark’s name, so all he can do it nod wordlessly. “Has he said anything to you about me? Changkyun just told me that Jinyoung told him that he had walked in on me and Mark and we seemed ‘indecently close.” 

Youngjae’s chest twists uncomfortably as he processes the words Jaehyung is saying to him. He searches for something to say back, mouth opening and closing. 

“He hasn't said anything about you since the day he asked me to give you his number,” Youngjae says finally. “Maybe Jinyoung just saw you that night at the party and misinterpreted.” Jaehyung nods along as Youngjae talks and he can feel his face grow hot as the lies fall from his mouth.

“See, that's what I thought too, but Changkyun said that it was at Mark and Jaebum’s dorm,” Jaehyung replies. 

“Oh, well, maybe...Maybe it was me he saw with Mark,” Youngjae stutters out, instantly regretting it. 

“You?” Jaehyung asks, setting his plate down and turning to look at Youngjae suspiciously. 

“Yeah, um. I've been tutoring Mark. Maybe Jinyoung just walked in when I was sitting close to Mark.” It's not a complete lie. Youngjae _has_ been tutoring Mark, but what Jinyoung walked in on definitely not math. 

“Oh,” Jaehyung says slowly, stretching it out. “I should've guessed it was something nerdy like that. For a second I thought you were pretending to be me.” Jaehyung laughed and Youngjae tried to force some along with him but it came of snipped and shaky. 

Jaehyung grabs for the remote, turning the tv on and goes back to eating his food leaving Youngjae to keep staring at him, sagging in relief. It would have been so easy for Jaehyung to just go to Mark and ask what was going on and Youngjae knew how lucky he was that his brother was so lazy. He had been so close to being exposed, so close to having Mark taken away from him and the thought makes his stomach lurch uneasily. He can't afford to make mistakes like that, not with Mark on the line. 

Youngjae excuses himself, suddenly exhausted from the anxiety creeping through him, but no matter how hard he tries to fall asleep he can’t stop thinking about how easy is would be to lose Mark.

////

“He just blew you right there in the doorway?” Bambam gasps, french fry falling out of his hand. “It was good, wasn't it? With Mark’s lips how could it not be; he was made for sucking dick.”

“You’re focusing on the wrong parts of the story,” Youngjae huffs, glaring at Bambam. “Jaehyung almost found out because Jinyoung walked in on us and told somebody. I was one step away from being found out.” 

“Well maybe you should be,” Yugyeom says suddenly, banging his hand down on the table loudly. Youngjae looks over at his friend in confusion as the other boy sighs, running his hand through his hair. Youngjae’s never seen Yugyeom angry like this before, never seen the scary look that’s behind his eyes right now. “It's not right what you're doing. It's not fair to Mark and it’s not going to end well and you know it.” 

“Yugyeom-”

“No, don’t ‘ _Yugyeom_ ’ me. I’m sick of being apart of this, of pretending like this isn’t wrong. Youngjae, I know you like Mark, but you’re taking this too far. Are you gonna sleep with him pretending to be your brother, too?” Youngjae falls silent, not knowing how to answer Yugyeom’s question. He hadn’t thought about what would happen if Mark tried to sleep with him, if he would even stop himself from going through with it. 

“I don’t- I’m not..I don’t know.” Yugyeom scoffs as Youngjae stutters out an answer. 

“Why do you even have to _think_ about it?! Youngjae, you’ve been my best friend for my whole life, but this- this person that you’re becoming isn’t my best friend. The Youngjae I know wouldn’t play around with people’s feelings like this. I know you think that this plan you have is going to work, but the longer you continue to play pretend, the worse the outcome is going to be.” 

“I’m just doing this so that Mark will see that _I’m_ better than Jaehyung and when he realizes it, he’ll break up with Jaehyung and he’ll never have to know.” 

“Except that’s not going to happen, Youngjae. It was never going to happen because you’ll do whatever it takes to make Mark happy. You were supposed to make Jaehyung seem like a prick, but instead you keep making him seem like this wonderful guy because you want to see Mark happy. You’ve manipulated us into helping you because we’re your friends and we want you to be happy, but I’ve had enough. I’m done helping you mess with people’s feelings. Don’t expect me to sit back and watch you hurt yourself,” Yugyeom finishes, grabbing his backpack and pushing his chair back violently. Youngjae watches him storm out of the dining hall in disbelief. He can feel tears prickling behind his eyes, not because Yugyeom was mad at him, but because he was right. 

“Hey,” Bambam says softly when he notices Youngjae’s tears. “Don’t listen to him, okay? He’s just upset because he cares. I’ll talk to him later when he’s calmed down. You need to get to class, no time to be upset.” Youngjae nods, rubbing at his eyes and grabbing his backpack. 

Youngjae can’t concentrate in Calc, Yugyeom’s words taking up to much space in his head. Yugyeom’s only ever been mad at him once in his life when they were fourteen and Youngjae decided to spend the summer working to pay for piano lessons instead of going away to camp with Yugyeom. Even then Yugyeom hadn’t yelled, or been as vicious as he just was. Youngjae had thought that the worst possible thing that could happen from his plan was Mark hating him, but now he’s even more afraid of losing Yugyeom. 

Class ends without Youngjae even taking out his pen and he’s surprised when the teacher dismisses them, grabbing his bag in a faze. He doesn’t even remember his tutoring sessions with Mark, walking the opposite way of the library. 

“Choi Youngjae!” Mark’s voice is loud in his ears, making him jump and spin around to see Mark jogging towards him. “I have a bone to pick with you.” Youngjae can feel his pulse pick up as Mark says the words. He remembers everything that happened with Jaehyung the previous night, everything Jinyoung had said. Mark hadn’t brought it up when they were texting last night, but he’s suddenly filled with the terrifying sensation that Mark has figured him out. 

He stares at Mark with his mouth opening and closing dumbly, trying to figure out what to say, how to apologise. He gets a sudden wave of nausea and has to fight the urge to throw up. He watches Mark pull a folded up paper from his pocket and hands it to Youngjae. “A 89. _A 89!_ I didn’t fail!” Youngjae unfolds the paper to see a giant 89 written in red ink on the top of the test, Youngjae had been too out of focus to even remember getting back. He feels his breath hitch in relief, looking down at the paper, at Mark, and then back at the paper. 

“This, um...This is what you wanted to talk about?” Youngjae stutters out, trying to catch his breath. 

“What else would I want to talk about?” Mark questions, starting to walk towards the library.  
“Nothing, nothing. Proud of you, by the way. I knew you could do it,” Youngjae says, falling in step with Mark and handing him his test back. 

“I couldn’t have done it without you; that’s for sure.” Youngjae follows Mark to their usual table in the library, sliding into their respective chairs across from each other. Youngjae watches Mark pull out his notebook, still open to a page full of notes from that day’s lecture. 

“Can I see your notes for today, I didn’t take any,” Youngjae sighs, looking down at his blank paper. 

“You didn’t take notes? Are you feeling alright?” Mark jokes, but when Youngjae looks over at him, there’s nothing but sincerity in his eyes. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just had a fight with Yugyeom before class that left me a little shook up.” 

“You talk about Yugyeom a lot, is he your boyfriend?” Mark asks, making Youngjae burst out laughing. Mark looks startled as Youngjae continues laughing loudly until his eyes water and his sides hurt. 

“No, no, no,” Youngjae says, still cackling. “Yugyeom is my best friend. I’m single and Yugyeom is definitely not my type.” 

Mark widens his eyes, lips falling into an ‘o’ shape as Youngjae finally gets his last laughs out, catching his breath. “Oh, I don’t know why I just assumed you’re the same as your brother, that was stupid, like, what are the odds?” 

“What are the odds of what?” Youngjae asks, confused about Mark’s statement. 

“That both you and Jaehyung are into guys,” Mark replies, like it was obvious. Youngjae’s hand slips from where he was copying the notes, creating an angry lead streak across the paper. He shoots his head up, eyes wide because he most _definitely_ was into guys, Mark specifically and it puts his plans to a serious halt if Mark thinks he’s straight. 

“Wait, no that’s no-” 

“Youngjae?” a sweet voice cuts him off and he looks up to see Sana standing at the edge of their table, chewing her lip. 

“Sana? Can I help you?” It sounds ruder than Youngjae intended it to, but he’s never been too fond of Sana and lately she’s been annoying him more and more in their shared lit class. Youngjae’s never been a competitive person, but every time Sana turns around to ask him what he got on his essay, just to rub his face in the fact that she scored higher. 

“I, um, was wondering if you were busy on Friday?” Sana asks, avoiding his eyes and blushing furiously. Youngjae’s annoyance turns to confusion as Sana presses her hands against her cheeks trying to cool them down. Ever since he met Sana he had been so sure that his feelings of hatred were mutual on all fronts, but now he’s completely thrown for a loop. 

“Wait what?” 

“I-I’m...I’m asking if you’ll go out with me on Friday?” Sana stutters out, her cheeks the same cherry red as her lipstick at this point. 

“But I...I thought you hated me?” Youngjae says, still as confused as ever. “You always rub your grades in my face and offer to help me be as good as you.” 

“I offered to help you fix your essays so you wouldn’t be so sad every time you got one back. I wanted to help you be the best,” she replies sincerely, finally looking him in the eyes. 

“Well...I…” Youngjae can’t find an answer for her. It’s not like Sana’s ugly, in fact she’s one of the prettiest girls Youngjae has ever seen with her pretty doe eyes, soft features, and chubby cheeks. Youngjae doesn’t even know how he could ever even really think she was being anything less than genuine with a smile that disarming. And now with the excuse that they hate each other gone, Youngjae can’t find a way to tell her no. Unfortunately, Mark doesn’t even give him the chance to. 

“He would love to. In fact, why don’t you guys double with me and Youngjae’s brother?” Mark cuts in, smiling at Sana. “Youngjae just got done telling me how tragically single he is, so I’m sure he’s just too happy to answer. We’ll see you Friday, Sana!” 

Sana nods frantically and bounces away happily, skirt swinging behind her before Youngjae can even get another word in. Youngjae looks over at Mark with wide eyes, mouth hanging open. 

“Why are you looking at me like that? It’ll be fun, I promise!” Mark says, knocking shoulders with Youngjae and smiling fully. Mark turns back to his paper, humming happily, leaving Youngjae to think about how completely screwed he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always I'm sorry for the wait but tell me how you liked it please i live for comments


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm just gonna pretend like it hasn't been six months since i updated this, it's not proofread bc i was really tired of looking at it so sorry in advance for the mistakes

“There’s something I need to tell you.” 

Youngjae hadn’t wanted it to end up like this. He’d made a _plan_ , albeit a simple plan, but a plan nonetheless and it should’ve worked. Mark had texted “Jaehyung” late that night asking him to go on the date - and Youngjae, as planned, said replied with a vague, noncommittal _sorry cant_. That should’ve ended it, it should’ve been simple. But as his phone stayed silent as the hours passed, Youngjae had the premonition that this was not going to go his way. 

He had expected Mark to at least _try_ and convince him, but nothing but radio silence. He tried to tell himself that he was being paranoid, this wasn’t the first time Mark just stopped replying, but he usually came back after an hour or so with an apology, usually of having fallen asleep. But this time the silence was driving Youngjae out of his mind. 

Youngjae shows up to his class the next day, feet dragging and under eyes dark from restlessness. Sana smiles bright at him when he shuffles past her and he gives her a tight smile, sliding into the desk behind her. He takes a deep breath and taps her lightly on the shoulder. She turns around, hair fluttering behind her with a perfumed swish in the air. 

“Good morning!” she says, still smiling at him. “You look tired, did you sleep alright?”  
Youngjae feels terrible as her smile drops, worriedly scanning his face. He suddenly wishes that he could reciprocate Sana’s feelings for him. He realizes that she’s the first person he’s known, maybe the only person, that’s been more than platonically attracted to him simply because of who he is. He didn’t have to pretend to be anyone else to get their attention and she wasn’t using her to get to his brother. He doesn’t want Sana to ever have to have the gut crushing ache he has to endure every time he even simply thinks of Mark, knowing he’ll never feel the same way Youngjae did. The rejection he has to feel every time Mark calls him by his brother’s name. He feels overwhelming guilty about having to hurt Sana the same way as she continues to look fondly upon him. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay,” he replies, forcing himself to smile at her. He almost doesn’t ask her what he needs to; doesn’t ask her to meet him after class so he can reject her advances. But then he remembers how fine the line is from being safe and being found out and he can’t risk anymore than necessary. “Can we talk after class?” 

Sana follows close behind him as he leaves the class, humming lightly. Youngjae opens the door for her, but they both stop outside the doorway when they see Mark pacing, hand pulling at his hair. 

“Mark hyung?” Mark spins around at the sound, hand dropping to his side. 

“Youngjae! Thank god, I was beginning to worry I was in the wrong place,” Mark says before noticing Sana looking between them. “Morning, Sana. Do you mind if I steal Youngjae away for a minute?” 

“Oh, Youngjae said he needed to talk to me about something,” Sana says, turning to look up at Youngjae. Youngjae flits his eyes between the two of them. He needs to talk to Sana to cancel their date and finish his plan, but Mark looks desperate and if he can help, he should. He figures he can just catch up with Sana later, or, if worst comes to worst, cancel the date on the of, after class on Friday. 

“Um, go ahead, Sana. It can wait.” Youngjae feels bad when he sees the disappointment flash across Sana’s face, but he expects it’s a face he’ll have to become accustom to. Sana smiles at them as she waves goodbye after, but it somehow makes him feel inexplicably worse. He tries to shake the guilty feeling as he turns back to Mark, but the boy’s handsome face isn’t helping much. 

“Sorry to interrupt,” Mark says with a sigh, fiddling with his fingers. “But I need to talk to you about something.” The guilt finally dissipates within him, but only to be replaced with nauseating dread. He nods slowly waiting for Mark to yell at him for lying , for deceiving him. 

“Is Jaehyung not interested in me anymore?” Mark asks. It takes Youngjae a minute to swallow the anxiety and realize what Mark is asking, but when he does, he’s more confused than ever. 

“Um, what?”

“It’s just,” Mark stops to sigh, sitting down on the bench outside the building. “I asked him last night if he wanted to go on the date with you and Sana and he said no. Which, like, okay why not? It’s a chance for him to see me and help you. And as much as you say he doesn’t care about you, he’s always saying how great you are, so I figured he would at least want to help you, so it must be me he doesn’t want to see. I was willing to let it go, though, because I guess we’re not really official or anything, so I didn’t know if I would be pushing it to pry. But then Jaebum came into my room last night after Jaehyung rejected me saying the Jinyoung said that _Changkyun said_ that we were, and I quote, ‘definitely not dating’.” 

Mark finally takes a moment to breathe. It takes Youngjae a minute to get over not only how much Mark has said, but what Mark was saying to him. He finally catches up and when he realizes what Mark is telling him, he feels like he could faint right on his feet. 

“Um,” Youngjae stutters out unintelligently. He has no idea what to say, how to fix this. He can feel his breathing getting harder, heart beating against his chest as he tries his hardest not to hyperventilate. This is it. The End. He has to tell Mark the truth and face the music. Every choice he’s made has butterfly effected into this moment and there’s nothing he can do. It’s his fault they’re in this position, his fault he let it get this deep, and his fault that he made Mark feel like this. “Mark hyung, I -”

“I’m being stupid, right? I’m sorry, I know this is a lot, but can you just maybe talk to him and find out what he said those things and said no to the date?” Youngjae opens his mouth, closes it, and opens it again. He can feel the confession drying his throat, thick and rough. Mark takes his silence as a yes, though, and gives him a tight grin, throwing his arms around him in a bone crushing hug. Youngjae grunts and Mark let’s go, apologizing. Mark grabs his bag, smiling at him again. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Talk to him, okay?” 

That’s how he ended up standing in front of Jaehyung - plan crumbled to pieces and nowhere to turn. The only way to keep Mark is to go on this date and the only way to do that was to enlist his brothers help and pray to every god that he would, for once in his life, help him out. 

“There’s something I need to tell you.” Jaehyung looks up from where he had been scrolling through his phone at Youngjae’s statement. He looks at Youngjae expectantly, raising his eyebrow in annoyance. “I’ve been pretending to be you so I could date Mark.” Youngjae’s surprised at how little his voice shakes. What surprises him more is Jaehyung’s reaction. 

“Okay,” he says calmly, turning back to his phone. Youngjae stares at him, waiting for him to yell, maybe even hit him, waiting for him to do _something_. But he never does. 

Jaehyung looks up when he realizes that Youngjae is still standing there. “What?”

“That’s all you have to say? Just okay? Did you even hear me?”

“I heard you just fine. I just don’t blame you for wanting to be me, my life is so much better than yours,” he states plainly, making Youngjae scoff in disbelief. “Anything else?” 

Youngjae sighs, he doesn’t even want to ask for Jaehyung’s help after that insane display of egotism, but he’s too desperate to let his pride stop him. “I need your help,” he starts slowly, willing himself not to let his anger take over and punch Jaehyung’s cocky grin off his face. “Sana asked me out while I was with Mark as myself and Mark said yes for me and made it a double with him and you, well me, does that make sense?”

“Why didn’t you just say no as me?”

“You don’t think I tried that?” Youngjae sighs, fisting his hand in his hair. “Some unforeseen circumstances came up and that’s no longer an option. Trust me, telling you was not in my original game playbook.” 

“So you need me to go on this date with you, Mark, and who was the idiot that asked you out again?” 

“Her name is Sana, she’s in my class.”

“Wait, Sana as in Minatozaki Sana?” Jaehyung suddenly perks up. “How on earth did _you_ get a date with Minatozaki fucking Sana, I’ve been trying for months to get a date with her. Alright, I’ll do it, but I have some conditions. First, I get the car whenever I want. Second, you’re on dinner duty for the next three months. Third, I need you to write my composition paper for me. And, finally, I want to be you on this date.” 

“What? Why?!” Every other request was completely doable - not even that different from life with Jaehyung already - but Youngjae will not have Jaehyung messing this up because he can’t act like a decent human being for a single hour. 

“Because I don’t want to be stuck with Mark for a whole evening - there’s a reason I didn’t call him back in the first place. I want Sana and apparently the only way she’s interested is if I’m you. Those are my conditions, take it or leave it.” 

“Fine,” Youngjae grits out, hands balled angrily into fists at his side. “But if you screw this up I’ll tell mom that you’re failing out of all your classes.” Youngjae turns and storms back into his room, holding the urge to scream. 

“You wouldn’t dare!” Jaehyung shouts, only to be muffled by the sound of Youngjae slamming his door. 

 

Mark comes barrelling toward Youngjae after they get released from class, crashing into him and wrapping his arms around him tightly. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! I don’t know what you said, but Jaehyung texted me last night and explained everything. He said that he didn’t think _you_ wanted him there and how he told Jinyoung we weren’t dating because he wanted to make sure that we were on the same page so I didn’t think we were going too fast. He’s so much more considerate than I ever thought.” 

Youngjae fights the urge to roll his eyes, but forces a smile on his face, nodding his head. “Yeah, he’s really one of a kind.” 

“I can tell you’re being sarcastic, but I’ll let it slide if you help me with tonight’s math homework,” Mark says, letting go of Youngjae. 

“Don’t I always?” Youngjae quips. 

“Don’t be mean to me, it’s not my fault I’m bad at math,” Mark pouts as they sit down at their usual table in the library. 

“I hate you tell you this, but you know there’s a lot of math in engineering?” Youngjae jokes, pulling out his notes from class for Mark. 

“Trust me, this was not my first choice, but my dad owns this huge engineering firm that he wants me to work at after I graduate,” he replies after a moment of silence. He pulls his lip between his teeth as he tries use Youngjae’s notes to figure through a problem. 

“But won’t you be miserable?”

“Well aren’t you positive today? I’ll be okay, don’t you worry. I don’t hate engineering, in fact it really interests me, I’m just not very good at it yet.”

“But wouldn’t you rather do something that you _want_ to do? Something that will make you happy?” 

Mark puts down his notes, eyes softening when he looks up and sees the concern written across Youngjae’s face. “Listen, there are definitely a handful of careers I would love to do instead, but those aren’t practical. And there’s no way to say I won’t be happy, but even if I’m miserable I can be one of those annoying middle aged guys that can only talk about how much fun they had in college. I have good friends and MAT is fun and I have a sweet tutor who’s got a cute twin that I’m having a good time dating. So even if I’m miserable in the future, at least I’m having the time of my life now, so don’t worry about me. Cheer up a little.” 

Youngjae tries to smile and Mark takes it as a good sign, going back to his work. He wishes Mark’s words made him feel better, but, if anything, they made him feel even worse - guilt sinking into his gut at the mention of his brother. He’s certain that the feeling will never fully go away, but he had hoped it would lessen with time. It hadn’t though, getting worse with every passing minute. He feels guilty about lying, about messing with people’s feelings, and now a newly found guilt for taking away some of Mark’s precious time of freedom. Youngjae chews on his fingertip, wondering if it’s all worth it. All the lies and deceit for the smallest chance at being with Mark. If the constant panic and nausea will result in anything but misery for both of them. 

Mark snaps his fingers in front of Youngjae’s face, pulling him back from his introspection. “I asked what flavor ice cream you’re gonna get tomorrow?”

////

Youngjae and Jaehyung pull up fifteen minutes late. They would have been perfectly on time if they had followed the precise schedule Youngjae had laid out, but Jaehyung had refused to put on the sweater vest Youngjae had given him to wear.

Jaehyung fiddles with the glasses slipping down his nose, pulling at the fabric of his shirt with an annoyed huff as Youngjae pulls into a parking spot, flicking off the headlights. “Now remember,” Youngjae starts, taking the keys out of the ignition. “I need this to go well enough that Mark stays interested, but bad enough that Sana doesn’t want to go out again. Got it?” 

“Yes, for the hundredth time, _yes_ ,” Jaehyung groans, flinging open his car door and stepping out onto the pavement. Youngjae takes a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut hoping that if he closes them tight enough everything will go away. Unfortunately, when he finally reopens them he sees Jaehyung staring at him from the windshield signaling him to hurry up. 

Youngjae runs the final steps to catch up with Jaehyung walking towards where he sees Mark and Sana standing outside the ice cream parlour. They stop their conversation when the twins walk up, falling silent and turning to them. 

“Hey!” Mark says, looking between them like he’s trying to figure out which is which before deciding on Youngjae (as Jaehyung), kissing him briefly on the cheek. “You know I’ve never seen you two together before; was beginning to think you were the same person.” 

Youngjae laughs nervously, already trying to fight the urge to vomit. “Um, so what were you talking about?” Youngjae stutters out. 

“Youngjae, actually,” Sana says, smiling at Jaehyung (as Youngjae). “Mark was just telling me about how nice it was of Youngjae to tutor him this semester. He said you saved him from failing completely. Any truth to that or was he just exaggerating to make you look good?” 

“If that’s what he says, then who am I to say he’s lying?” Sana giggles at response, hitting Jaehyung lightly on the arm. Mark, on the other hand, cocks his head slightly, like he’s confused about something and it makes Youngjae nervous.

“Youn-” 

“How about we head in?” Youngjae says, interrupting what Mark was going to ask, heading to the door.

The girl behind the counter greets them as they head in, leading them to an empty table towards the back. Mark settles next to him, close enough that Youngjae can feel the warm press of his thigh through his jeans. Youngjae watches as Jaehyung whispers into Sana’s ear, missing what Mark is saying to him until he waves a hand in front of his face. “Huh?”

“I said what kind of ice cream do you want? I’m gonna go get everyone’s orders,” Mark says patiently, smiling lightly. 

“You don’t have to do that I-” 

“Don’t worry about it, I got it, just tell me what you want,” Mark interrupts, squeezing Youngjae’s thigh reassuringly. 

“Strawberry,” Youngjae says quietly, reveling in the gentle touch. 

“Green tea, please,” Sana says. 

“Chocolate’s good for me,” Jaehyung says, turning his attention off Mark and back to Sana. Youngjae shifts anxiously in his seat as Mark walks away, fiddling with his thumbs. 

“So, Jaehyung,” Sana says, breaking Youngjae from his reverie. “You and Mark are just adorable, how long have you been dating?” 

“Yeah, Youngjae,” Jaehyung adds, leaning his head on his hand. “How long have you two crazy kids been dating?” 

“Oh, um, I wouldn’t call it dating,” Youngjae says, chuckling nervously. “I don’t really know what I would call it, we haven’t really talked about it so I wouldn’t call it dating, or not call it dating. It’s only been a couple months so I don’t-”

“You’re rambling,” Jaehyung interrupts, annoyed look covering his face. 

“He’s just nervous, it’s cute,” Sana says, laughing lightly. Mark returns suddenly, making Youngjae jump at the sound of his voice. “Speak of the devil!” 

“Were you talking about me?” Mark asks, handing out the cups of ice cream. 

“I asked Jaehyung how long you’ve been talking and he got nervous and started rambling,” Sana explains, Youngjae’s face heating up with every word until he can feel his face grow bright red. 

“Really? Youngjae rambles when he’s nervous too. Must be a twin thing,” Mark jokes, sliding back into is spot next to Youngjae. 

“Yeah, must be,” Youngjae says uncomfortably.

“Youngjae, I’m surprised you didn’t get strawberry,” Mark says, pointing to the cup in front of Jaehyung. 

“Why would I do that?” Jaehyung says, taking a spoonful into his mouth. 

“Because you said the other day that ‘strawberry is the superior flavor and that no other flavors compare’” Youngjae looks down at the cup of strawberry ice cream in his hand, ready to throw himself out of the the window on the spot. 

“Uhh,” Jaehyung starts unintelligently. “I did say that and so on that day I really wanted strawberry ice cream, so Yugyeom and I went and got some and I ate so much I threw up. Now, I can’t eat it anymore.” Youngjae gapes at the effortlessness Jaehyung pulls the lie out of thin air, wide eyes flitting from Jaehyung to Mark and back. 

“I didn’t know you and Yugyeom made up! You never even told me why you were fighting,” Mark exclaims. 

“Yeah, I haven’t seen you meet Yugyeom after class in a couple of weeks,” Sana adds.

“Um,” Jaehyung says, sending Youngjae a panicked look. “I just apologized to him. You know sometimes I really think that I’m better than everyone else because I think I’m a genius and Yugyeom just got tired of it. I mean that’s why Jaehyung is always so sick of me, right?” Jaehyung adds with a smirk. Youngjae grinds his teeth, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. 

“Yeah, that’s exactly it and you would know that because you’re always sick of me because _I_ think I’m better than everyone else, except that I don’t even have a reason,” Youngjae snarls back, kicking Jaehyung under the table. 

Mark and Sana look uneasily between Jaehyung and Youngjae. “You know Youngjae always talks about how often they fight, but it’s really something to see it in person,” Mark says, trying to ease the tension. 

“Yeah, it’s really something alright,” Youngjae grips, glaring at Jaehyung.

“But, you know, as much as Youngjae says they fight Jaehyung is still always telling me nice things about Youngjae. Sometimes I think he’s trying to get me to date Youngjae instead,” Mark jokes. Youngjae chokes on the spoon in his mouth, coughing harshly as Mark’s high pitched giggle rings next to him. 

“Wow, Mark, you are so much smarter than I have you credit for. You kn-”

“Youngjae!” Youngjae shouts, kicking Jaehyung under the table, not wanting to hear what Jaehyung planned to let slip from his mouth. Jaehyung glares at him from across the booth, as Youngjae winces in pain. 

“Is something wrong?” Mark asks next to him, rubbing a calm hand down Youngjae’s shoulder. Youngjae knows he needs to do something, to get Jaehyung out of here before he messes up everything Youngjae has been working towards with Mark. Sana’s looking between them all like she senses something is specious. He has to do something, find some way to fix things, before everything comes crashing down around him.

“I just got a text from our mom, Youngjae and I need to call her immediately,” Youngjae says. 

“I didn’t get that text,” Jaehyung replies easily, smirking at Youngjae. 

“Probably because your phone is broken, remember?” Youngjae grits out, getting up from his side of the booth and grabbing Jaehyung’s arm, dragging him behind him. 

Youngjae shoves Jaehyung into the bathroom, slamming the door behind them. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Youngjae says. Jaehyung huffs, straightening out his clothes. 

“Careful, you’re wrinkling _your_ ugly sweater.”

“How are you incapable of being a decent human being for one single hour of your life? I asked you to do one thing for me, _one thing_ \- don’t mess things up with Mark and you couldn’t even do that,” Youngjae chides, rubbing the back of his neck trying to think of a way to get them out of this. “Take off your clothes.”

“Woah, man, I know you’re mad bu-”

“So you ever _shut up_? Take off your fucking clothes, we’re switching.” 

“No fucking way, we had a deal,” Jaehyung asserts, pushing Youngjae away from him. “I’m not going to be stuck with the dud for the rest of the night, you said if I did this I could have Sana.”

“Yeah, I did say that, but you’re not holding up your half of the deal, are you? You’re being an asshole on purpose and you’re teetering on the edge of just telling Mark every single secret I’ve been working to keep. So, we’re switching. Give me your pants.”

Youngjae slides in next to Sana, glaring at Jaehyung across from him. He hadn’t fought him much after Youngjae had started pulling at the sleeves of his sweater, huffing and pulling it over his head, muttering expletives under his breath. 

He watches Mark lean over and whisper in his ear, worry sketched along his face. Youngjae strains his ears to hear what Mark is uttering, but falls short, stuck watching Jaehyung whisper back in hushed tones. 

“Youngjae?” Sana says next to him. Youngjae turns to face her, a soft brightening her face when he does. “Is your mom okay?” 

Youngjae lightens, trying to put on a happy face for Sana. He feels guilty for the way he’s put her in the middle of his lies, only to have him and Jaehyung almost completely ignore her throughout the night. “Yeah, yeah, everything is going to be fine now.” 

Youngjae tenses when he feels Sana’s hand rest on his thigh, rubbing circles along the denim with her thumb. He knows she’s trying to help, but it’s only making him feel more uneasy. He feels like the scent of her perfume wafting over to him is strangling him, making him dizzy. 

He sees Mark whispering in Jaehyung’s ear again, before turning back to Youngjae, sending him an easy smile. Sana says something to Mark next to him, but he tunes her out, focused on how Jaehyung looks sitting next to Mark. It’s what Mark had wanted in the first place - a date with Jaehyung - and now looking at the two of them is making Youngjae feel queasy. He can feel his stomach lurch at the sight of them, hyper aware of every movement between them. He needs to get out, get _Jaehyung_ out. 

“Youngjae?” Sana says next to him, waving a hand in front of his face. “Are you okay, you look like you’re going to be sick.” He’s never appreciated Sana’s intervention more than he did at that moment, silently thanking her for giving him the out he needed. 

“You know I’m suddenly feeling really nauseous, I think I need to go home,” Youngjae replies, holding his stomach to add effect. 

“Oh no, I bet it's what that girl in or physics class had yesterday. I knew she shouldn't have come to class, it's just rude getting us all possibly infected,” Mark remarks, shaking his head. 

“Sick, huh? Isn't that interesting…” Jaehyung says, giving Youngjae a glaring once over. 

“Yeah and you drove us here, so we better go before we get Mark and Sana sick too,” Youngjae replies, gritting his teeth together angrily. 

“Oh we wouldn't want that, would we?” Jaehyung mutters sarcastically as he slides out from the booth, grabbing his coat before handing Mark his own. 

Youngjae says goodbye to Sana quickly, apologizing for having to cut the night short. She nods sweetly, telling him to get better and he can feel his stomach lurch again as she runs a caring hand down his forearm. 

He makes sure she gets into her care safely before turning back to Mark and Jaehyung just in time to see Mark whisper something into Jaehyung’s ear. Jaehyung nods and Mark leans in, pecking his quickly on the cheek before waving to Youngjae. Youngjae tries his best to fake a smile, waving back stiffly. 

Youngjae waits a solid 3 seconds once they get into the car to pounce of Jaehyung, punching him in the arm harshly. 

“Ow, man, what the fuck?” Jaehyung yells, running his hand along his probably bruised arm. 

“What did Mark say to you?” Youngjae demands, getting another fist ready. 

“When?” Another punch. “Stop it!”

“Just now! Before he kissed you, what did he say?” 

“Oh, then. He, um, told me that when I drop you off I should come over to his apartment to ‘keep the night going’” Jaehyung says, pulling into the street. “Don't punch me again unless you want us both to die in a car wreck.”

“Oh,” Youngjae says, falling back into his seat. He should've realized that Mark would want Jaehyung to come back to his apartment. They've been talking for months, been on a few dates, and, technically, Jaehyung has already slept with Mark. He'd known this was going to happen at some point, he just didn't think it would be tonight. 

“‘Oh’ I get punched twice and all you can say to what he said is ‘oh’?”

“Sorry.”

The car goes silent for a beat, Youngjae lost in his head and Jaehyung waiting for him to extend his thoughts. When he realizes Youngjae isn't going to say anything else he sighs, glancing over at Youngjae next to him. “So what are you going to do?”

“I'm going to go see Mark,” Youngjae says simply, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. 

“And what? Fuck him?” Jaehyung says, blunt and harsh. “Let me ask you a question, what are you planning to get out of this?” 

“I've told you my plan, I keep seeing Mark while also talking up myself so much that he realizes that I'm the right person for him and dumps you.” 

“Uh huh,” Jaehyung hums, taking a silent pause. “And how has that been going? Because it seems to me that you're doing everything you can to get Mark _not_ to break up with you, well me.” 

“That's not - That's not true!” Youngjae yelps, jolting up in his seat and staring at Jaehyung. 

“Really? Because it seems like you had the perfect opportunity for things to end things when Mark started to think I, you, _’Jaehyung’_ wasn’t interested in him, but instead you choose to go through with this date to make him happy. You’re not trying to get him to end things, you’re just trying to make him happy and that’s fine, but stop lying about it and stop using me to do it.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, you don’t know anything about my relationship with Mark,” Youngjae snarls, fists balled up at his sides in anger. 

“I know enough,” Jaehyung says with an air of finality. Jaehyung stops the car making Youngjae look out the window to realize they’ve already made it home. Youngjae gets out of the car before Jaehyung even gets the chance to turn it off, slamming the door and walking away. 

He can feel Jaehyung’s eyes on him as he switches his sweater out for the shirt and jacket he borrowed from Jaehyung for his first date with Mark. Youngjae storms past him into the bathroom to put in a new pair of contacts. He follows Youngjae back to the door as he slips on Jaehyung’s sneakers. Youngjae groans in annoyance at Jaehyung’s hovering, turning to face him. “Is there something you need or are you just being annoying on purpose?”

“You’re really going to go over there?” Youngjae huffs, getting more aggravated by the second. 

“Obviously I’m going over there, he asked me to.”

“No, he asked _me_ to,” Jaehyung mutters, turning his back to Youngjae and walking into his room, letting his door slam behind him. 

He tries not to let Jaehyung’s words get to him as he makes his way to Mark’s apartment. The drive seems to take years with nothing to distract him from his own thoughts. He tries to drown them out with the radio blasting until it's up so far that it shakes the entire car, but even that does little to help, Jaehyung’s sharp words screaming over it. 

He pulls up to Mark’s place, turning the car off and resting his head against the steering wheel. He takes a deep breath as he pulls the keys out of the ignition, hands shaking slightly. He feels his feet dragging him back as he walks down the hallway to Mark’s door, like his own body is warning him of a bad idea. Every part of him is telling him to turn back as he stands in front of the door, but he musters up every bit of strength he can to raise his hand and knock. 

Seconds feel like hours as he waits for the door to open, every passing moment agonizing. He's almost ready to bolt, nerves making him shaky, when the door finally swings open. Mark smiles at him from the other side and Youngjae feels like the air is being punched out of his lungs. He looks soft and boyish drowning in an oversized hoodie, small smile gracing his lips when he sees Youngjae. 

Mark grabs him by the wrist, pulling him into the dorm. He keeps his fingers around Youngjae as he closes the door before pulling him down the hall and into his room. 

“Sorry, Jaebum’s home,” Mark says before pressing against Youngjae, kissing him sweet and quick. “Hi.” Youngjae hums against Mark's lips, kissing him again to distract himself. Mark pulls off, climbing into his bed and sitting against the headboard, motioning for Youngjae to sit next to him. “So, how’s Youngjae feeling?”

 _Terrible. Nervous. Scared._ “He’s fine.”

Mark leans against him, throwing an arm over his torso. “Did he at least have a nice time? I want him to be happy,” Mark says offhandedly, making a pattern on Youngjae’s stomach. Youngjae doesn’t know whether to laugh at the question or cry at Mark’s sincerity. Instead he takes a deep breath and leans down and kisses Mark again. 

“I don’t - I don’t really want to talk,” Youngjae utters. Mark gets up from where he's been leaning against Youngjae, swinging a leg over Youngjae's thighs so that he's straddling him now instead. 

“Okay, there is plenty of other things we can do that don't involve talking,” Mark smirks, kissing Youngjae rough and dirty, reminiscent of the last time Youngjae was in this apartment. 

Youngjae squeaks in surprise when Mark shoves his hands under his shirt, cold hands on over heated skin. He feels like he can't keep up with Mark's movement, his mouth on Youngjae's own then on his cheek then on his neck, leaving Youngjae is a daze. Mark keeps his hands resting Youngjae's stomach, occasionally letting his fingers play with the hem of Youngjae’s jeans. He lets his eyes slip close as Mark kisses him again, messy and deep, sharp canines gripping his bottom lip. 

He likes it, probably a little too much - Mark's mouth, Mark’s hands, the press of Mark against him. He feels hazy and warm everywhere, everything too slow and too fast at the same time. He can almost forget about everything, forget that it isn't really Mark and Youngjae in this moment. That is until Mark says the one word that sends him crashing back to reality. _”Jaehyung.”_

It's not the first time Mark's called him that, not even the first time he's heard it sound so obscene, but tonight it makes his stomach lurch uncomfortably. He tries to move past it, to push to the back of his mind where Jaehyung’s voice is yelling at him, but Mark moans it again, grinding down against him. 

Youngjae feels the anxious nervous creeping up, making the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. It's not just Jaehyung’s voice shouting at him now, he can hear Yugyeom’s harsh words and Mark’s confessions screaming at him now, occupying every corner in his mind so all he can hear is how awful of a human being he is in this moment. 

He feels like he can't breathe, invisible hands wrapped around his throat, punishing him. It's too much all at once, everything hitting him in one powerful punch. 

“Stop!” Youngjae says as Mark works the button of his pants undone. Mark looks like a deer in the headlights as he backs off of Youngjae, hands stilled on the zipper of his jeans. 

“What's the matter, are you okay?” Mark asks with the most genuine worry. Youngjae feels like he's going to throw up, bile rising in the back of throat. 

“There's something I need to tell you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the like three ppl waiting for this i really am sorry it took so long to update this my motivation is lower than it's ever been and i feel like although my writing level has never been high it's at an all time low right now so that hasn't helped.  
> but i really want to finish this so i'm powering through.  
> anyway i really appreciate every single comment and kudos you guys have given me thank you all v much


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo it's been a while. i don't kno what to say tbh I just have had massive writers block forever, but i still really want to finish this and i promise i will.
> 
> sorry if the writing in this feels different than it did before, it's been a while and i've only been writing scripts for the past few months so it feels weird to be writing narratively again. 
> 
>  
> 
> thank you to everyone who left comments on previous chapters i really do appreciate them and they motivate me to finish lov u all

Youngjae stares blankly at his laptop screen, tuned out long ago to what’s happening, Mulder and Scully on their mission morphing into images of Mark. The blankets wrapped around him are too hot, making him sweat what should be uncomfortably, but he doesn’t notice it. His physics book lays open on the coffee table, mocking him with memories of Mark’s laugh and Mark’s smile and the stupid way Mark’s tongue darts out when he gets stuck on a problem. 

It had been a week since the falling out. Mark hadn’t shown up for class on Tuesday or Thursday, but Youngjae still bothered to check the library on Tuesday to see if Mark would show up for their tutoring session. He hadn't. Youngjae still checked on Thursday. 

It was hard to not to feel sorry for himself. He lost Mark, he lost Yugyeom, Jaehyung was still mad at him and all for absolutely nothing. Even Sana had taken to ignoring him when he snapped at her that he wasn’t interested after class earlier in the week. He missed Mark. He missed Yugyeom. He even missed Jaehyung sometimes. 

The episode ends and Netflix hits him with the “are you still watching?” pop up and Youngjae can’t even be bothered to pick up the remote, staring at himself in his laptop screen, sad and lonely and thinking about Mark and their fight once again. 

_“There’s something I need to tell you.”_

_Mark takes his hand off Youngjae’s zipper and sits back on the bed, staring at Youngjae. “What is it? Are you alright?”_

_The sincerity makes Youngjae’s words press against his throat, choking him so hard it feels like he can’t breathe. He can feel his heart hammering in his chest so hard he hears it thumping in his ears as he tries to bring in deep gasps of air. He can feel Mark’s hand on his arm, scalding fingerprints on his arm as he tries to get Youngjae to calm down. He’s suddenly hyper aware of everything around him. Mark’s warm heat next to him, the coolness of the sheets under him, the sound of the fan above him, the muffled music coming from Jaebum’s room down the hall. It’s all too much yet none of it enough to bring in back to reality._

_He can hear Mark saying something to him, but he can’t make out the words, white noise filling his head._

_“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” the words spill out muddled together and he didn’t even realize he had started crying until he hears how wet the words sound coming out of his mouth._

_“Jaehyung, you have to calm down. You need to breathe, okay?” Mark saying his brother’s name snaps him back once again, making him groan and push off the bed._

_Youngjae paces the floor of Mark’s room, pulling at his hair in aggravation. He can’t look at Mark, but he can feel his eyes watching his every move. “Jaehyung, please say something. You’re making me nervous.”_

_Youngjae groans again. “Please stop - just stop calling me that. I can’t - just stop calling me that.”_

_“What the hell should I call you? That’s your name!” Youngjae stops moving, finally meeting Mark’s eyes. He can feel his nose keep running, but he doesn’t move to wipe it, afraid of that one more movement will tip them over to someplace that he can’t return from. He watches Mark’s face turn from confusion to sudden realization and knows that it’s too late. It’s too late to save himself. “That’s your name isn’t it?”_

_“Mark…”_

_“Isn’t it?” Mark’s voice gets lower, scarily deep as he repeats himself, getting up from the bed. Mark glares at him with a fire behind his eyes Youngjae has never seen before. It’s put out as soon as Youngjae sees it, extinguished behind a layer of tears threatening to rain down. “Jaehyung…”_

_“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Mark. Please - I’m so sorry. Just, please, let me explain. I didn’t mean for it t-”_

_“Get out,” Mark says, cutting him off, so low Youngjae almost misses it._

_“No, Mark, please. I’m sorry, please let me explain,” Youngjae pleads, but Mark ignores him, storming towards the door and pulling it open._

_“Get out.”_

_“Mark, please.”_

_“Now.”_

Youngjae keeps staring at his reflection in his laptop screen, eyes unfixed and burning. He can’t force himself to close them, visions of Mark waiting if he does. He just keeps staring until he can’t take it anymore, giving in, laying down, and letting Mark take over his dreams. 

A pounding at the door wakes him. He doesn’t know how long he’s been out, but the shadow of nightfall that’s taken over his living room tells him it’s been a few hours. He figures the knocking is either Jaehyung too lazy to get his key out, someone here for Jaehyung who will be disappointed at him not being here, or someone at the wrong apartment all together, so he doesn’t even bother getting up to get it.  


“Youngjae!” Yugyeom’s voice is muffled behind the door, but Youngjae recognizes it easily despite this. The pounding continues as Youngjae gathers up the blankets surrounding him, dragging them to the door. 

He opens the door mid knock to see Yugyeom standing, with his mouth wide open and with a fist held in the air. Yugyeom takes one look at him and drops the bags he was holding, wrapping him up tightly in his arms. It’s difficult with the layers of blankets wrapped around him, but Yugyeom still manages to squeeze the breath out of him. “Hi.” 

“Jaehyung called me,” Yugyeom says when he finally lets go of Youngjae. He grabs the bags he had dropped and follows Youngjae into the apartment, taking his usual spot on the couch. 

“Why?” Youngjae asks, vividly aware that he is currently at odds against both is brother and his best friend. 

“Because he was worried about you. So was I. I know we haven’t been seeing eye to eye lately, but you’re still my best friend and I still care about you,” Yugyeom replies earnestly, frowning at Youngjae. “Plus, I love saying ‘I told you so’.” 

Youngjae huffs out a wet chuckle and Yugyeom frowns again, crowding closer to Youngjae on the couch. Youngjae knows that he should apologize to him, but he can’t make himself say the words right now. Yugyeom being here feels like a partial weight is gone off his shoulders until he remembers everything else that has gone wrong and the weight presses back tenfold. 

“I messed up,” Youngjae sighs. 

“Yeah, I know. But it’s in my job description as best friend to say that everything is going to be okay. So, everything is going to be okay. I brought your favorite take out from that place off campus and I see you’re already deep into a X-Files watch. Have you done Jose Chung’s yet?” 

“No, I only deserve to watch Jose Chung’s when I don’t lie to the guy I’m in love with and say I’m my twin brother.” 

“Well, I disagree.” Yugyeom takes the takeout from the bags and hands Youngjae a pair of chopsticks before claiming the laptop and searching for the episode. Youngjae watches his best friend work, on the brink of crying from overwhelming affection. 

When Yugyeom has it all set up he wraps the blankets around both of them like they were still kids at a sleepover and starts the episode. Youngjae zones out, leaning against Yugyeom after he’s picked at a bit of his food. Yugyeom wraps him up again and doesn’t make Youngjae talk, just lets Youngjae steal his warmth and appreciate his company. 

Youngjae and Yugyeom are still wrapped up silently when Jaehyung gets home three episodes later. Yugyeom stretches out when the door slams closed, yawning, while Jaehyung walks into the kitchen, opening the fridge and grabbing a beer. Youngjae untangles himself from his blankets as Yugyeom packs up his stuff and tells Youngjae he needs to be heading home. Youngjae doesn’t want Yugyeom to leave regardless, but he really doesn’t feel like being alone with Jaehyung. 

_________________Yugyeom does leave, though, with a promise to stop by and see Youngjae tomorrow and Youngjae is stuck uncomfortably tense with his brother._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“So,” Jaehyung says after a moment. “I guess you and Yugyeom patched things up?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“Yeah.” Youngjae clears his throat, looking down at his socks and running a hand nervously down the back of his neck. “Thanks for, um, calling him. I appreciate it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“Yeah, well, you were looking so depressed lately it was throwing me off.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“Well, thanks anyway, I guess. I feel a little better.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“Good, good. I don’t even get why you’re so upset about losing Mark. I mean the guy is so fucking boring. After tonight, I would probably pay to never have to see him again,” Jaehyung jokes, taking a sip of his beer._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________Youngjae looks up at his brother suddenly, “what do you mean, ‘after tonight’?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“I went out with Mark tonight. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I mean he’s hot, yeah, and he was good in bed from what I can remember, but nothing to get all moopy about. I still don’t get it, really I don’t. I wanted to leave after ten minutes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________Youngjae feels a hot flash of anger run down his spine as he watches his brother take another sip of his beer. “You - you went out with Mark?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“Yeah, man. Total snooze, like it was like the worst date I’ve ever been on. I couldn’t wait to get out of there.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________Youngjae doesn’t really know what happens next. He had always thought that when books described a character seeing red it had been an exaggeration, but in that moment he’s beyond that, vision blinding with rage. His hands curl into a fist and not even by his own consciousness or violation land a blow straight to the center of Jaehyung’s mouth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________He snaps out of it when Jaehyung screams, feeling the blood leaking from his mouth. Youngjae had never considered himself a violent person and he had never laid a hand on anyone in his whole life, but in that moment he can’t even find it in himself to feel sorry. He takes a deep breath, hands Jaehyung a dish rag, and walks out of the kitchen._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i also started a dear evan hansen fic called [little light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12424476/chapters/28275330) if u like theatre and i also take forever to update that
> 
> im benpllatt on tumblr and @coiourandlight on twitter 
> 
> see you sooner rather than later


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